A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 100
Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denominations?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me
28 Catholic, 22 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, 22 Baptists and
18 Atheists."
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The recently married young woman was weeping and pouring
out her heart and troubles to the church's appointed
marriage counselor.
"Isn't there some way, without turning into a nag, that I
can keep my husband in line?"
The counselor scowled. "Well young lady," he said, "maybe
that's the problem, Your husband shouldn't have to wait in
line."
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Vegetarian - Indian word for bad hunter
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"I write down everything I want to remember. That way,
instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what
it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper
I wrote it down on." -Beryl Pfizer, American journalist
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A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a
car smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the
vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"
"How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer."
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"I don't mind coming to work,
But that eight hour wait to go home is a bit much."
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"I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I'm
lying on the couch and can't reach the remote, I think,
'Boy, a kid would be nice right now.'" --Kathleen Madigan
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Wife to Norm: "What's your excuse for coming home at this
time of the night?"
Norm to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to Norm: "What? At 2 a.m?!"
Norm to wife: "Yes. We used night clubs."
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Q. What's the main difference between a woman and a dog?
A. The later you are, the more excited the dog is to see
you
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the
Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook
and really good with the kids".
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Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown
bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in
front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head
toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a
pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won't
help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the
bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
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A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should
have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at
8:30?"
